Chewing over

I’m counting days till I can use the kitchen. From today it’s 19, subject to unforeseen delays caused e.g. by the ceiling falling down, caused by a leak in the shower. Oh yes, the joys of a building project are immeasurable.

The kitchen/open space floor has been tiled and looks gorgeous.

We have underfloor heating which is all the rage, with a crowd amusing twist: insulating boards have been placed on top of the heating pipework instead of under-tile matting. Ah well, the aging process accelerates in a too-warm environment.

The appliances arrived last week and made me wonder very hard if I couldn’t just plug one of the ovens into a socket and try out - I’m that desperate to cook. The extractor fan is absolutely enormous; so much so that I have visions of it falling promptly off and pulling down the ceiling with it - if the upstairs leak doesn’t beat it to it.

The kitchen units were delivered this morning and I honestly don’t see how they are all going to fit in their allocated spaces. The fitters arrive tomorrow and are supposed to get most of the job done this week - the above 19 days countdown includes mystery activities to do with worktops and splashbacks.

So what is my first dish cooked in the new kitchen going to be? That’s interesting, cause as said before, I’m so thoroughly fed up with ready meals, takeaways and restaurants, it’s very likely to be something boring. Like creamy chicken of sorts, simple pan-fried fish or a veggie bake. Hell, I’m looking forward to an egg or an omelette for breakfast! I suspect there’s a link to the reason why last supper/death row meals tend to be so unimaginative: not much can beat roast chicken.

Home roasted, in my case. With a jacket potato, baked from scratch, not coming within a foot radius of a microwave. In fact, once all is fitted, set up and working I’m going to hurl the microwave out of a window, rock-and-roll fashion. Having opened the window first. Aiming for the skip outside. Rebel, rebel.

It’s certainly going to be a challenge. I’m not terribly good at reading instructions and prefer to learn hands-on - but seeing how much the appliances cost me, I might take the cautious learning approach and read the damn manuals. How to set temperature. How to set the timer. Those things are more daunting than programming the video used to be in ancient times. I’m seriously scared of an electric grill and very, very wary of the induction hob. The (eventually, hopefully) harmonious relationship between them and me is certain to have a stormy start.