Prawn burgers: the patties made from fresh or frozen king prawns, the garnish of crunchy slaw and all in a homemade burger bun.
I love burgers
Burgers make me happy. I’m a cautious burger eater because they usually turn up in my life in the calorific company of a bun and fries. Naked burgers happen too but that’s at a regular dinner at home and - with full respect to the burger – it does not quite constitute the full experience.
And if I wanted to cook the works, which I’ve done but very rarely, the danger of a spare burger to share looms; not to mention less limited supply of chips than the dainty oxidised bucket, and spare buns.
But I'm picky about my burgers
So sensibly, only every couple of months or so, I’ll treat myself to a burger event at one of the reliable local joints. It’s always a beef burger: I sneer at chicken patties, life’s too short for lamb burgers and veggie ones make me shudder.
There must be ketchup; a chili or guacamole dip is welcome and gherkin slices are essential.
How to eat a burger properly
I eat it properly. Not for me the knife and fork: using cutlery with burgers is bad form, unless to tuck a smear of ketchup into the sandwich. I stick the napkin in as bib, place another on my lap, take a deep breath and grab the beast with both hands.
The skill then is in squashing it gently so a bite fits in my (not the largest though one of the loudest) mouth but no gherkin squirts out of the other side.
When you get halfway through, the bottom bun gets soggy and threatens to fall to bits. The trick is to flip: the bottom becomes the top of the bun and the patty can keep on happily leaking the juices into its new base.
Eat your bun
Unless the bun is not very fresh/toasted/tasty, I eat it up. I’m not one of those people who discard the top bun up front and leave half of the bottom one on the plate, then slide back in the chair mewling that they’re stuffed. They’re not, they’re liars and can’t handle the Burger Experience properly (now we’ve graduated to upper case).
I eat my bun to the last sesame seed and the only concession is donating some chips to The Weather Man, who will always eat any amount.
I usually could use a wash after the whole hands-on experience but have to make do with a napkin or several. Lying back in my chair, I have an empty plate/board/bucket in front of me and not a care in the world. Burgers make me happy.
And the winner is prawn burger
This number is not beef but I didn’t mention seafood on my list of disdainful burger materials, did I? This number is actually – shall I whisper it? – healthy. Fried but briefly, loaded with crunchy slaw scant on mayo, made of the best source of protein in the discovered universe – who says you can’t have the best of all worlds? You can. Prawn burgers are it.
And homemade burger buns or soft baps will make this Burger Experience sublime.